everything I find interesting: December 2007

The Best of the Breast

As graphics become more advanced, so do video game boobs. What first began as flat (yet still gigantic) breasts evolved into jiggling globes that defy the laws of physics. And while we'll never admit to being turned on by a buxom (and fictional) character, we know a good rack...ahem...art, when we see it. Join us for a brief history of boobs and the horn balls that created them.

Custer's Revenge

Platform: Atari 2600
Publisher: Mystique
Released: 1982

Although we detest this game's subject matter (General Custer rapes Native Americans), it was among the first to show boobs, a pioneer, if you will. We've yet to see what happens when General Custer reaches her, but considering the plot and the limited technology, some things are best left a mystery.

Metroid

Platform: NES
Publisher: Nintendo
Released: 1987

Wait a second. Samus is a woman? Indeed, and a nicely breasted one at that. At the game's conclusion, the deadly bounty hunter ditches her power suit and models her goodies in a skimpy bikini. That is, of course, if you manage to achieve the "breast" ending.

Double Dragon

Platform: Various
Publisher: Various
Released: 1987

We take exception to Double Dragon's opening scene, which shows the beautifully breasted Marian getting punched in the gut and carried off by a gang of thugs. First, violence against women makes us angry. Second...uhh guys...we WERE looking at her. Bring her back.

King of Fighters

Platform: Various
Publisher: SNK
Released: 1994

When it comes to 2-D breasts, no character tops Mai Shiranui (on the left), the nimble minx in SNK's King of Fighters games. As teenagers, we were hypnotized by her bouncing chesticles, which resulted in getting our asses handed to us. Her trademark phrase, "Me Bouncy", could not be further from the truth.

Dead or Alive 2

Platform: Dreamcast, PS2
Publisher: Tecmo
Released: 2000

We can't talk boobs without covering Tecmo's Dead or Alive franchise. The original, released on Sega Saturn in 1996, showcases well-endowed ladies, except their breasts bounce, which did for 3-D games what King of Fighters did for 2-D offerings. Its sequel, DOA2, ditched the pixilated characters for more detailed ones, thus captivating its audience even further. There we sat, entranced by these physics powered boobs of beauty, unaware that our wily opponent was about to deliver an axe kick to our noggins.

Dead or Alive 4

Platform: Xbox 360
Publisher: Tecmo
Released: 2005

Harnessing the power of the Xbox 360, DOA series creator Tomonobu Itagaki pushed the boundaries of breast physics with top heavy ladies that look sexy while kicking ass. How they stay erect still perplexes us.

Dead or Alive Xtreme 2

Platform: Xbox 360
Publisher: Tecmo
Released: 2006

Proving yet again that they are masters of their domain, Tecmo upped the ante with DOA Xtreme 2, creating boobs that move independently of each other. It's like each mammary gland has its own mother brain. They call to us sometimes, ever so faintly in the summer night, the whisper traveling along the cool breeze. Excuse us for three minutes.

Tomb Raider Legend

Platform: Xbox 360
Publisher: Eidos
Released: 2006

What a difference a decade makes. Advancements in graphics technology allowed for Lara's drool worthy face lift, which included rounding her curves in all the right places. Instead of sporting imprisoned soccer balls in her shirt, she has more natural breasts and of course, sexy brown eyes.

Ninja Gaiden Sigma

Platform: PS3
Publisher: Tecmo
Released: 2007

Ninja Gaiden's Rachel is a fiend hunter that dazzles her opponents with her heaving mounds of fury before bashing their brains in. At least they were in heaven before she sent them to hell.

Heavenly Sword

Platform: PS3
Publisher: Sony
Released: 2007

Clearly, this is a case of boobs gone wrong. Sony, in its infinite wisdom, elected to cover up the game's star, Nariko, and instead subject us to lots of man boobage, which forced us to banish our PlayStation 3 consoles for several days until we fixed our retinas. From a design standpoint...umm...yeah, there's no excuse for this.

The Future ...
Although we can't predict the future, we think (it's a safe bet) that boobs will continue to enthrall audiences, thanks to determined game designers dedicated to showcasing the most vivacious ladies. Besides, with new technology and scores of skilled artists looking to make it big, we have a feeling that 3-D breasts are in good hands.

Source:gamedaily.com

Man when I was in elementary, I was sooo turned on by Mai Shiranui while playing king of fighters.